| | That's the thought that crossed my mind when I re-read the last entry that I wrote. Well, that, and how silly and petty my last entry was.
It seems like God has really been teaching me a lot in the past month or so. First, when I went to New Orleans, He was teaching me about how much I totally don't deserve anything, but how awesome it is to be truly blessed by Him, to do amazing work down there. Then, when I went from having weekly hang outs with my disciple-er to not having weekly hang outs with her, because she feels that I am not being enough of a servant.
Anyway, I have been thinking about what she told me, among other things. I guess I thought that my service at UC and with Aaliya, and with my HC was enough. I thought that I had a very loving relationship with my roommates, Renee and Kayleigh, and my future roommate, Hannah, as well as with Marianne and Lisa. But she is right, in some respects. I often do come to HC with a horrible attitude, or with things on my mind. Most of the time, all I can focus on is how much I wish I hadn't been such a screw up where money is concerned, or how much my back hurts (which it does right now), or anything else that goes through my mind more than God does. After the hang out where Lisa informed me that she is not going to disciple me for a while, I came home, upset, and cried until my jaw hurt. Then, I laid in bed and read until my jaw felt well enough to eat some lunch.
I've come to some realizations. I make excuses. I mean, I knew that before, but I was watching other people make excuses, too, so I didn't think anything extreme of it. Also, I felt that if I was praying for people (which is good, don't get me wrong) then I was serving and loving them, too, and that just because Lisa couldn't see it, didn't mean that it didn't exist. But, I had dramatically lowered how much I had prayed for people, because I was too wrapped up in me.
But now, since we found out on Thursday that we will be a new home church on September 18, I have been trying to figure out what this means for me. I have been thinking about the areas in which I am selfish, and how I can take some practical steps to not be selfish anymore. Since I will be going into a house with five girls with whom I have never been in HC or cell group before, I know that it will be a crucial step to learn to love and serve them, by way of getting to know them. And the guys that will be in my HC, I don't know many, if any, of them, except for the ones coming from Dutch II, so it will be a struggle with my flesh to get to know them all. I also know that being in a house with *potentially* EIGHT girls can be overwhelming, and that is just to start! There could be more moving in as early as December, and as late as next fall.
And with Graduate School approaching, I know that I will have many opportunities to share my faith with people in class, if I don't chicken out like I have in past years. I also aim to find a carpooling buddy. First, so that I can cut down on the amount of gas and mileage put into my car by driving to class (in NEWARK!!!). And second, so that I have a captive audience for up to 2 hours every day. Hey, it worked for Paul!
Lately, I have been listening to "As I Am", the Christian CD by Kristin Chenoweth (she played Galinda/Glinda in the Original Broadway production of Wicked!) in my car. It is such a wonderful CD, and helps put me in the mindset of the things of God. It all seems so simplistic that I never stop to think about how awesome He is, and how He provides for me, but listening to this CD really helps to put things into perspective. The song "Abide In Me" has really spoke to me this week.
Whitney |
| | Posted 8/30/2008 3:50 PM - 23 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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